we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
