I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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