and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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