i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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