you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
