sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
