Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
