So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
