he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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