do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize