No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
