is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
