I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
