I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i think i scared a bird with my dick
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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