The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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