I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm getting married
To pizza
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
