the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
