Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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