I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
