How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
