I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
