I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
