Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
