Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize