Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
