I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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