Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
