I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
