just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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