Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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