He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
