After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
