hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
