guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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