my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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