I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
