Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
