I think i peed on brittanys purse
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
