I think my vagina is haunted
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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