And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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