he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
