Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We have so much sex to catch up on
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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