Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
