kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize