shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
