yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
