I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize