grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
