just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
