so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
