his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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