so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
