Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
