awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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