i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
