Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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