I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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