I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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