at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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