Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
