their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
