I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
