I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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