The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
