Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
