I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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