You really coming over, don't trick.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
