why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
