he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
