Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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