Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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