Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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