Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
