I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
