Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize