Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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