I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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