I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize