I hope mine doesn't look like that
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize