He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
