Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
