You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
