so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
