i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
