He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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