This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My vagina is officially offended.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
