Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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