In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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