I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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