made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
