I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize