Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
