I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
