I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize