apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
