Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
