Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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