she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
