it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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