he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
