Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
