Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
