My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
