guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
