i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
