How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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