I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is it because I queefed?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize