Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize