Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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