I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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