i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
