why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
