I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
