I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
