Got a toothbrush?
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
What a dumb baby whore.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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