So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
