i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
whose parrot is this?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
