i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
