In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
