why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
