In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
