Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Small penises have feelings too.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
